I find it most difficult to speak or express what is on my heart and in my mind. I have found myself in a place of unexplainable emotions & even to set down to express my thoughts seems foolish. My vocabulary is not adequate to describe what Shari & I have experienced over the past months but especially the past few days.
On Tuesday we spoke with the oncologist to get the report on the previous weeks bone marrow test. Dr Jin said my cancer count was at 0.34% & in April it was 50%. He stated that my bone marrow was normal. I asked what he meant by “normal”. He said its like mine, you have no cancer in your marrow. Shari said with tears, you mean…we can say it’s in remission? He said emphatically “It’s in complete remission”. “You are normal, this is very unusual results!” We will still continue with 4 more months of chemo as a precautionary measure.
Even now the tears flow like a stream in relief, maybe some disbelief, joy, ecstasy, and emotions that are without description. The flood of emotion that day went from tears, to jubilation, & yes even fear of the what ifs. We couldn’t express all of our feelings and thoughts but they raced through our heads and hearts. So today all I can say is “We thank you Lord” & We thank you who have stood with us from the beginning.
Last evening I dug out the bible I carried when I committed my life to the Lord and became a believer. Its a hard cover NIV that is tattered with yellowed & brittle paper. It was in this Bible that I read for the first time Rom 5:8 While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I had this idea in my head growing up that I had to get good enough for Christ to accept me. I thought that I must quit every bad vice, every sinful pattern, and become clean for Him to embrace me and deliver me from hell. I wanted so bad to quit these wicked ways, but found myself powerless. The good news came one Sunday when this message came from the pastor when he said Christ died knowing your condition.
In reading the earlier verses Paul speaks about Hope even in our sufferings. I am reminded today of this hope in Christ which is not wishful thinking but literally means “confident expectation”. We have had a confident expectation in our Great & Might God. Today I am reminded that Christ has paid a price for our spiritual healing as well as physical healing. He has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. We are filled with gratitude not only for the physical healing but the spiritual healing that has taken place in our lives and gives us the “confident expectation” to know that we are sealed in eternity.
Living for The Day,